Day 123 — 4 month anniversary 

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I didn’t get started walking until 9:30 am. Which is not really good considering the high today was 98 with high humidity. I contemplated taking the day off from the second I woke up. I figured I’d just fight through it. Whatever. 
I got to the small town of Offerle. It was about 8 miles into the day. It was noon ish so I stopped in their gas station/corner store/restaurant and ate a huge salad and drank some sweet tea. I was feeling ok up until that point. After the big meal I didn’t feel like moving. I thought about staying in that town. I even thought about hitching a ride into dodge city. That totally would’ve been cheating but the thought crossed my mind. 
In fact, that thought lingered for hours. I had to use cognitive therapy techniques to try to change my thoughts before I did something that I’d regret. I was trying to talk myself up. It was just getting hotter and hotter and traffic was a freaking nightmare. Everything was working against me. I think it was just me though. I just wasn’t in it from the get go today. 
Late in the afternoon, I stopped at a grain elevator to rest in the shade and I called the city hall of the town that I was planning on staying in. They were cool with me camping in their park so that was a relief. At least I knew where I would be sleeping tonight. If I made it of course. 
Some guys pulled up and I freaking asked them if they were headed towards dodge city. They weren’t and I’m glad because I probably would’ve jumped right in if they let me. I talked myself up again and set out for the last 6 mile stretch. Big mistake. I should’ve waited right there for a few hours until the sun started to go down. 
Walking in southwest Kansas in the late afternoon is asking for trouble. Rush hour was in full gear and the semi’s were non-stop. The heat was melting me and I was just angry. At the world, at every vehicle, at Lieutenant Dan, at myself. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got off of hwy 50 to get on dirt roads. It added about 3/4 a mile but I didn’t care. 
Well THAT was a huge mistake. The gravel turned to sand and by the time I was too far to turn back I had to push through what was basically the desert and I was blazing hot. I couldn’t stop anywhere to cool down because there was nowhere with shade. Nowhere. For miles. And you can see that far in Kansas. 
I tried to set up my umbrella for shade but my patience was too thin to deal with the bungees. I just sucked it up and figured all I can do is just go. So I did. I miserably eeked through but I was getting closer and closer. I started to think about how happy I would be when I got there. Trying to focus on something positive. 
There were about a million windmills around. The town is known for them. They have a restaurant called the windmill. When I finally got into town that’s where I headed first. Immediately my world was changed. The A/C and the enchiladas healed me. I left full and headed for the park. 
I found a great spot and rested in the shade and caught up on my blog while the sun set with the windmills in view. A good friend who I have known for a while and was struggling with addiction messaged me out of the blue and said that I was motivating him to stay clean. He’s 3 months strong now. All the shit I went through today was worth it just for that. So happy! 

So today was rough but ended up being not so bad. I came close to cheating and that’s something I’ll have to remember. I think I became a little bit stronger today. So in hindsight everything worked out for the best. 

Hope tomorrow will be a little easier though haha